My Immortal Gets a Makeover
by Penelope Loc
Summary: Has anyone wondered what would happen if the first chapter was passed down into the hands of many people to revise for publishing, from those with sincere intentions to trolls? The editors include Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter, Yours Truly, and many other characters in the fictional and real world alike. Of course, with too many cooks spoiling the broth, it becomes UTTER FUBAR.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, any copyrighted characters, or the fanfiction, 'My Immortal'. The portrayal of certain characters and myself is purely fictional and I am truly sorry if I cause offense to any degree. Also, I am not bashing any pairings of any fandom. You are all free to ship whatever you want, no matter how creepy anyone thinks it is. In some parts of this fanfic, I'm just writing what the subject involved in the pairing might've thought about it. Please be patient when reading it too, as I do realize it's a bit slow and boring at the start. Without further ado, enjoy!**

Many, many years later, well after the publishing of the infamous, "My Immortal," T.G., who had grown a little older, and possibly wiser too, decided it was a good time to make her comeback.

"Let's see here... where did I put my first chapter?"

Fishing it out from her really old computer, she took took it out, and began carefully editing it.

"Geez, was I really that stupid back then?"

After two hours of hard work in proofreading and expanding the chapter, the young woman realized that although it was much better, it still lacked the dire rhetoric creativity. Not knowing what else to do, T.G. decided to email R., and hope that she'll help in making it a little bit better.

R. received the email, fully aware that it was the very same girl that she had a fallout with more than ten years ago. Pondering on whether to help the person or not, she finally decided it was about time that they could let it go, and agreed to help her. With a bit of time and work, R. made it a little better, too, but couldn't help, but feel something else was missing, so she also passed it onto her friends, who passed it onto their friends, who passed it onto their friends, and so forth. Eventually, it was passed onto Draco Malfoy, known as Slytherin712 on FanFiction.

Although he was not as arrogant or whiny as he was when he was at Hogwarts, it was hard not to break down into a screaming mess, especially when some of the lewder Fanfiction writers placed him into a threesome with some Gothic character and Harry Potter right off the bat in the first chapter. Simultaneously crying and screaming, "I ALREADY HAVE A BLOODY WIFE, YOU GITS!", Malfoy unleashed the Cruciatus Curse at the household's many computers, effectively destroying the precious pieces of the latest technology, just as when his son, Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy, came in.

"Um dad? Are you alright?"

The poor former Slytherin said, "Son, there are things that you don't want to see or read in this bloody world, I tell you."

The nervous boy quickly left, sensing the situation. Draco recollected himself, in order to use a little repair magic to restore the computers.

"Okay...Calm down, it's not published yet… I can rewrite some of this…" Draco murmured.

The sniffling man revised the part with the threesome, making sure to remove Harry from the pairing too, as the latter also had a wife. He then passed it on to a more fortunate Harry Potter, who included more relevant references to Hogwarts. Afterwards, it spiraled down from people in the fan base of Harry Potter to less germane communities, such as the Naruto one. Of course, it happened to be in the hands of the fabled Shitty Author at one point in time.

Taking place in the future, Penelope Loc is a sleep-deprived university student in real life, and a full-blown troll on the internet. What has cause this to happen, will never surely be known. Anyway, she got a copy of the revised fanfic at one in the morning, along with instructions to revise it as fit. Although it was already heavily edited, our cranky author recognized the main character's name from a really bad fanfiction that she read years ago. In the meanest of spirits, the troll instincts kicked up and she thought:

_"I have three papers to turn in, two projects due, and a gazillion hours of volunteer work to go. Now this horrible author wants me to edit her work and take credit!? Let's just add 'Dicks' at the end of every sentence."_

And so, our shitty author actually did that, and passed it on to her equally sleep-deprived colleagues. Somebody was more considerate and censored the word, 'Dicks', while another person actually bolded it. Still, people liked that touch, so they never removed it either.

Meanwhile, T.G. was frantically trying to track who her story was passed to. Eventually, she managed to relocate it to some random new writer, who has only written one chapter of a story. Not knowing who she was, this writer just gave her the badly trolled fanfiction without a second thought. Being just as careless as that newbie, was T.G. who was impatient with all the waiting and searching; she uploaded the first chapter of 'My Immortal #2' without second thoughts.

Unfortunately for T.G., she had a huge fight with a coworker in real life the following day. The boss did reprimand the latter, but not before she called T.G. an 'emo, wrist-slitting slut.' That older woman was not the first person to get into a tussle with T.G., as much of the company they both worked at hated T.G. for her morbid attitude at life, and even more so for the fact that everyone could see blood seeping through her office uniform at the arms. T.G. was at the ultimate lowest of her lows in life, and the wrist-cutting was getting more frequent.

_"Crap,"_ thought the depressed young lady, as she looked at her red-stained blazer, _"At this rate, I might actually bleed to death for good. Oh well, no one is going to care about me anyway."_

The rain started to pour down. Even though T.G. was barely surviving n her current income, she called for a taxi to take her as close to her apartment flat as her money could take her. Two blocks later, the young woman wriggled into her room, soaking wet. The first thing she noticed was her computer turned on, with a new email message from R.

**'Check the preview of you fanfiction.'**

T.G., not knowing what else to do did as her friend told her. Much to her shock, it ran about something like this:

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><p><em>AN: Hi guys… I know you all hated me before, but I promised you that I can write better now <strong>(D*cks)<strong>. Special fangz to Raven and her friends for helping me write this story**(D*cks)**. Um… please leave some reviews**(D*cks)**. Fangz! (get it?) **(D*cks)**._

_Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way**(D*cks)**. I have long ebony black hair with purple streaks with red tips that reaches my mid-back, pale white skin and icy blue eyes like limpid tears, whatever 'limpid' means **(D*cks)**. Many people tell me that I look close enough to Amy Lee when she was younger **(D*cks)**. (Yes, close enough, because no two people are exactly alike on earth, and the thing differentiating me from her would be our age and my pimples **(D*cks)**.) I'm a stupid, awesome, boring, exciting, Mary-Sue, terrible, super witch at Hogwarts in England where I'm a seventeen-year old seventh year**(D*cks)**. Currently, I am studying for my N.E.W.T.s in Transfiguration, Defence Against the Dark Arts, Herbology, Care of Magical Creatures, Astronomy, and Charms **(D*cks)**. I'm so stupid that I only have six courses in my seventh year to study for**(D*cks)**. Actually, don't listen to the noob who wrote the last sentence, because that's actually pretty good, considering that's more than half of the O.W. L.s **(D*cks).** Or maybe 'Ebony' is just too lazy to do the other courses, 'cause she's a goth wannabe **(D*cks)**._

_Outside of Hogwarts, I'm a goth (wannabe) who loves Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there**(D*cks)**. Today I was wearing recent purchases from the said place, along with black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow**(D*cks)**. Today, I walked around Hogwarts. It was raining, so there was no sun**(D*cks)**. I don't know why a lot of people don't like the rain**(D*cks)**. Rain can be beautiful, even though it's gloomy**(D*cks)**. That's where rainbows come from (other than Lady Rainicorn), and why we get water** (D*cks)**. I like rainy weather the best, because it helps my precious mandrakes and fanged geraniums grow, and it also gives me an excuse to use my gorgeous black-and-white laced umbrella (Definitely not stolen from that Chibi-Vampire girl, Anju) **(D*cks)**. A lot of people stared at me, as my way of dressing wasn't considered the norm at Hogwarts **(D*cks)**. I didn't care, and raised my middle finger at them, to show how American I am **(D*cks)**._

_"Hey Ebony**(D*cks)**!" shouted a voice**(D*cks)**. I looked up**(D*cks)**. It was Draco Malfoy flipping the"two-fingered salute" at me **(D*cks)**!_

_"What's up Draco**(D*cks)**?" I asked**(D*cks)**._

_"Nothing**(D*cks)**." he said, and promptly turned away. Draco is never, and will never be friends with a Muggle, let alone, some random goth girl**(D*cks)**. He is not in love with Harry or anyone else, but his wife**(D*cks)**. Yes, he does have a wife, and even a son**(D*cks)**. Draco also does not like the fact that you're all writing extremely lewd shit about him**(D*cks)**. The Akatsuki would also like to say the same thing too**(D*cks)**. Seriously guys, they're all already dead** (D*cks)**. You stupid writers should all stop disrespecting the dead people by pairing them up with the most disgusting beings**(D*cks)**. That is not art, un **(D*cks)**! Ooh ooh! I agree with senpai too! That is such a terrible thing to do to senpai**(D*cks)**! Oh by the way, can anyone tell me what TobiDei is**(D*cks)**?_

_You goddamn role-playing muthafuckas shut the fuck up**(D*cks)**! Those characters do not fuckin' exist, so there's no harm in fuckin' shipping them**(D*cks)**! Let us do what we fucking want**(D*cks)!** We're all fucking human beings and we all like sex**(D*cks)**! (Are you T.G.'s bitchy daughter **(D*cks)**?)_

_But I'm asexual…**(D*cks)**_

_Seriously, what's TobiDei**(D*cks)**!?_

_I heard you liek mudkipz**(D*cks)**._

_You're all fucking dumb**(D*cks)**._

_Let's just end this story already**(D*cks)**._

_And the sky came falling down before Ebony could get to her friends**(D*cks)**._

_The end**(D*cks)**_

_AN: Is it good**(D*cks)**? Please leave a review, Thanks**(D*cks)**!_

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><p>T.G., in utter shock,was now sweating like mad, and her heart was throbbing, wanting to break out of its rib-cage prison.<p>

_"Do people hate me even more now?"_ she thought, as tears welled up in her eyes.

Even though T.G. didn't want to check the reviews, a little voice told her to do so. Cautiously, she pressed the review number, which numbered in the hundreds, with the first ten saying:

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><p><em>Hey, this is actually really funny!<em>

_Awesome:)_

_I liked that touch with the 'Dicks'_

_Keep on writing; you're getting better!_

_Thank you for letting us edit your story- it was fun!_

_We'll be glad to edit it again!_

_LOL!_

_You should write more often!_

_Just call us when you need some editing to do :3_

_Keep up the good work!_

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><p>The tears that came out, for once, were not tears of sadness, but of joy. For the first time in T.G.'s life, people are telling her that she did a good job. At long last, the world was on her side.<p>

_One head is decent, two heads are better than one, more heads is simply a monster, but monsters can be beautiful too._

**La fin**

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**D*cks.**


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